Loneliness
Blackness
All is wrapped in blackness
Covered overall
Blankets of blackness
Can’t even see my fingers
In front of my eyes
Moving like ballet dancers
in slow motion
And a sound reminding me of
Bugle calls
Hurricanes my heart into
commotion
But waiting is never wasted time
Waiting is never wasted time
Even loneliness is full of life
Loneliness itself is fill of life
Waiting to be discovered
blank & jones
“loneliness”
…and i’ll keep waiting, this time with no need for false pretense.
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Sense
Darting eyes and pursed lips…
I try to make sense of the rush and clamor. Every now and then, the spiraling smoke clears, but eventually it returns. The spindly fingers patiently branch out into little forks, the ends disappearing into the distance. Subconsciously, I bite onto my lower lip, welcoming the stab of pain. The slight twinge dissipates all too quickly, and all becomes numb again. I peer at my fingers, the music muffles, and it all goes slightly dark. I feel my insides choke, yet my eyes will bare no sign of letting. Repression is second nature.
The memories play slowly, building into momentum. Black, white, black, white, and sometimes flashes of red. But mostly, whites feathered with traces of black.
I straighten up my collar, ruffle my hair, all with a hint of self-consciousness. Eventually I’m on my feet, heading towards the open doorway.
I’ve had it again.
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End
Unsettled, but still breathing…
why…why?
end the moment.
end the memories.
end the yearning.
end the hope.
end it now.
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Dark chills
It was so cold.
The gentle night breeze brought chills to my skin.
It was dark.
Flickering street lamps blotted by darkness.
It was unearthly.
Each step I took, every movement precise.
It was calm.
My breathing slowed, I could feel an unusual weightlessness.
It is ended.
Loneliness…
Winter is setting.
It’s setting upon my soul.
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One Last Tear
Bliss is knowing there is no future.
It is knowing that every action is futile.
Failing is the inevitable.
So why fight it?
I shed this one last tear, before I turn away… forever.
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The Countdown
3, 2, 1… Happy New Year!
The crowd erupted with cheers and merriment.
Horns blared, and confetti fell from the sky like gleaming stars.
It is the end of the now.
“Should old acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?…”
Strains of “Auld Lang Syne” rose amidst the cheers of the crowd. I felt time trickle down to a crawl. Everything was a myriad of colors and scattered sounds. I felt my stomach lurch. Then the emptiness struck with a swift blow at the very pit of my abdomen. My vision blurred as the tears amassed.
Hurting.
It is the start of a new year.
Another year of broken dreams and shadowed regrets.
I’ll never be special enough. I’ll never be good enough.
But I will be. I will.
The rain will cease to fall one day…
And when the time is near,
You’ll never have what’s dear.
That’s a promise I make,
A vow I’ll never break.
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Harbinger
It’s the last day of 2007.
I can almost hear the sounds of celebrations.
Everyone’s toasting to a brand new year.
New resolutions, new beginnings.
Why do I dread tomorrow?
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Addicted
The addiction.
Consuming, burning, yearning.
It sears your heart, singes your nerves.
Hope is merely a dream, darkness is sovereign.
Run, run as fast as you can.
There’s no escaping your fate.
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Temptation
The carrot and the donkey…
It was unreal, the myriad of colors swirling around and enveloping what seemed like reality. Time had mysteriously slowed down to a trickle, allowing an enhanced state of awareness. But the truth was, this was just a devious ploy to whet the appetite, making you want more. The harder you tried to grip at it, the more it would run through your fingers. It was an obscene exploitation of the base of human desire.
If you listened hard enough you can hear the sounds of sardonic laughter, echoing in the distance.
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Fare thee well
I don’t want to spend my whole life without you.
You give my life meaning.
You are my everything.
I’ve never believed so hard in anything before.
But like everything else in my life, it’s a contradiction.
I’m constantly moving in circles.
I’m getting dizzy…
My heart is hurting, my head is hurting.
It might not be long now before my demise.
Spiraling downwards, I’m falling headfirst.
It’s time to say goodbye.
Goodbye to hope.
Goodbye to kindness.
Goodbye to dreams.
Goodbye to melancholy love songs.
Goodbye to belief.
Goodbye to love.
Goodbye, world.
Goodbye, goodbye…
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